To Lose My Life or Lose My Love
by Ellechillin
Summary: "No one knows us but us. It wasn't until later that I realized that maybe I could have my cake and eat it too." Jax/Tara
1. Alive

_Author's Note: I love the dynamic of the Tara and Jax in the present but I wanted to play around with the past that we haven't seen yet. _

_I don't own SOA characters. I just like to play with them a bit._

_Freshmen Year_

Alive

Her hands were shaking as she poured the fire water down the drain. _4 bottles down, 1 more to go _she thought to herself as she sat the bottle down on the tile gently. She stared at the last bottle of Jack Daniels, with her lips pursed in a thin line as she watched the brown liquid go down the drain.

Strange? She thought this liquid could overtake someone so easily to lose all their senses. The banging started on the bathroom door jolted her back to the present. She started to shake the bottle making it pour faster.

"I'll be out in a minute." Her voice cracked slightly.

"What the hell are you doing in there, Tara?" her father's voice came through the door.

She thanked her lucky stars as the last drop went down the hatch.

"I'm washing my face, dad." She lied as she wiped her hands on her jeans. She had opened the window earlier this morning when she decided to pour out all her father's booze. As she began her climb out the window she realized how quiet it had gotten. It made her pause for a moment. Only for a moment.

The pounding started. "Where did you put it!" came the really from behind the locked door with a chair propped under it for good measure.

Tara landed on her feet like a cat, grabbed her red backpack before fleeing on foot. As her hair flew behind; her red converses looked like a blur she was running so fast. She never felt so alive. Would she be punished? Yes. Tara would worry about that later.

School was three blocks away from her house and she was still late getting to the quad just as the bell rung. She huffed gripping the straps of her backpack and hauled ass to homeroom. As she rounded the hallway toward class, she saw a boy and girl talking at the lockers. She was almost pinned on the lockers as the boy twirled his fingers in the girl's long black hair. As she ran passed them, she rolled her eyes; of course it would be Jax.

"TARA! WAIT UP!" he called to her. Tara slowed her pace, opting to walk. He caught up to her and smiled.

"Tara Knowles is late for class? Hell must have froze over." He poked fun with a shocked look on his face.

"I know but it was totally worth it." She grinned more to herself. Jax looked at her quizzically "you're gonna tell me right?"

"Maybe."

They got to the classroom; Jax and Tara gripped the knob at the same time. Tara quickly pulled her hand away as Jax opened the door.

Mrs. Prodgers was not excited to see the two tardy students. Tara sort of froze but Jax gave Mrs. Prodgers a sweet smile as he eased Tara in her seat taking his own seat.

"Good Mornin', Mrs. Prodgers." He said.

"And why are you late? Mr. Teller, Ms. Knowles?" she asked with her hands squared on her hips.

Tara hated being singled out especially with her classmates watching.

_Silence_

Mrs. Prodgers in the horrible blonde wig she insisted on wearing. It was curly and very fake looking; very distracting in Tara's mind. "Well, not all at once!" she raised her voice slightly. The giggles made Tara slouch a little.

Jax put up his hands in defeat before putting them back down. "Mrs. Prodgers you got us, ma'am. I took Tara to get some breakfast and I had coffee cuz I was feelin' really tired but wanted to focus on the announcements that you would be making." He said.

The hushed giggles turned into full volume laughter as Mrs. Prodgers realized that she was being made a fool of.

Tara went to open her mouth to try to justify the tardy but by this time Mrs. Prodgers was livid.

"Not a word, Ms. Knowles. You thank Mr. Teller, I'll be seeing you two after school for detention." Without another glance Mrs. Prodgers went to the front of the class and began reading off the announcements.

Tara frowned at Jax who had a goofy smile spread across his face. _What an ass! _She thought to herself. So much for her day of freedom.

The day passed relatively quickly for Tara, which definitely worry about what the hell she was going to do when she got home. She had been giving Jax the silent treatment all day because of detention. He had given up apologizing by midday anyway…maybe giving up wasn't the right word because she had 3 other classes with him and didn't see him. She assumed he ditched with Opie and his girlfriend Donna. Those three were thick as thieves. Tara flitted in and out of their circle due to the fact every time her father heard her hanging out with that "white trash product" of a motorcycle gang he either punished or hit her for it.

The last bell rung signaling that school was over. _Yup, over for everyone but me _Tara sulked. She dragged ass getting to the detention as her peer ran past her to go off in get into as much trouble as a teenager can in a town as small as Charming.

She caught a glimpse of blonde hair as she got closer to the classroom door. She peeked in to see Jax sitting in a desk at the front leaning back in his chair. Mrs. Prodgers was saying something that seemed amusing to Jax by the reaction on his face. Tara shook her head _typical Jax, no books._ In that moment Tara just said fuck it.

Tara walked right pass the classroom and out the side door towards the grassy quad area. She kind of just plopped on the ground without a second guess. Not giving a hell if she was caught or not. After last night; she hadn't realized she was so tired. Didn't feel her eyelids closing.

A light tapping on her shoulder woke her up. Tara had fallen asleep against the tree and yawned waking herself up.

Jax bending down with his head resting on his fist; staring at her. "Wanna get out of here rebel?"

She laughed as she got to her feet. She shrugged her shoulders "okay".

As they walked out of the school zone to Jax's bike, he kept glancing at her. "I wanna know why you were late?" he said curious. He took his helmet and fastened to her head without thinking twice.

"Your ears clean, Teller? Didn't I say maybe?" she said. Jax laughed, shaking his head as he got on the back, Tara go on wrapping her arms around his waist.

"Right, maybe." He said repeating her words before taking off.


	2. New Beginnings for a Free Bird

_Author's Note: Thanks for all the reviews. It has defiantly motivated me to continue on with this story. _

New Beginnings for a Free Bird

Tara passed the joint back to Jax as she blew out the smoke. She smiled to herself thinking about the smoke going into the clouds that seemed so close. Jax had taken her to the park that was a couple miles outside of town. It was nice just to get out of town for a couple of hours. To lay in the grass and watch the clouds change its position.

Her buzz was making her smile a lot more as she felt like she could just stretch her hand a little further up she could touch one.

Jax started to laugh and she nudged him in ribs snatching the joint out his hand taking another pull. They were laying side by side causally, they had been friends for as long as she could remember. It was always comfortable to be around Jax. He really got her and didn't push when she didn't want to talk.

They weren't as close as they were when they were in elementary or even in Junior High. Jax pretty much stayed with the other children produced by members of the SOAs. Which was totally understandable in her eyes. Tara didn't have a set group and was friendly with everybody but she felt like she could be as goofy, as silly and herself as much as she wanted when she hung out with Donna, Jax and Opie.

"What's Opie and Donna doing?" she asked thinking about the two missing links.

"Probably off somewhere dry humping." Jax said is voice thick with smoke.

Tara laughed turning her head to the side to look at him "ha! I doubt it."

Jax shrugged, "not what Op told me."

"That's not what Donna told me. I believe Donna over Opie on this."

"He got no reason to lie to me." Jax insisted passing her back the joint.

She turned her head back towards the sky. "Why wouldn't he about this? Got Casanova as a friend of course he would lie about how far he's getting with Donna. Especially, after Casanova went out with Nicole Engling. He didn't have much of a choice." She took a long pull, making her toes tingle.

From the corner of her eye she saw Jax turn to his side facing her. He tucked his golden locks behind his eyes and stared her with an amused look. "You think I'm Casanova."

"If the shoes fit just right!" She laughed, not able to control the laughter. Jax ruffled her hair with his hands.

"What does that mean?"

"We all know that you aint a virgin." Tara said. She would be holding her breath for a long time if she was stupid enough to think that he was.

Jax didn't deny it. The joint was done. Tara took the final puff, pulling Jax towards her by his collar tilting her head. Jax tilted his head the opposite direction and opened his mouth as she blew the smoke into his mouth. Her lips touching his just enough to give herself goosebumps. Tara gave a slight smile before sitting up a little too fast as her head kept spinning on; flicking the used roach out of their area. Jax sat up too, their elbows touching.

"What's wrong with Nicole Engling?" Jax asked.

Tara giggled "Nothing, Jax. She's really pretty and I like her. She's super nice but I know that you two don't play cards or go to the arcade."

He laughed "You're one to talk, going out with David Hale. What'cha see in a guy like that?"

"Not as much as what you're seeing in Nicole Engling." She nudged him playfully shaking her hair out of face. She felt weightless, like a feather. She licked her lips and closed her eyes for a second enjoying the feeling.

"He's an ass."

"Hey, I didn't call you girl an ass."

Jax stopped smiling "he's your boyfriend? When did this happen?"

Tara pulled some grass out the ground. "Well it didn't happen yet… He asked though. He keeps asking but I dunno?" she shrugged looking Jax in the face. "Too much shit going on at home. I think I can juggle it."

"So tell him no."

Tara rolled her eyes. It was common knowledge that Jax and David did not get along. David was the star athlete, the golden boy to their town and Jax was the rebellious son of a known lethal biker gang. "It's not that simple. He's sweet, really sweet, funny, caring-"

"If you date him you'll have to submit to his life of boring. Very white fence, house, dog, 2.5 children."

Tara laughed "you're taking it way far. I'm boring."

Jax shook her head "Who ya talkin to here? We've gotten into a lot of shit. Remember crashing Luanne's car."

Tara shrieked "YOU crashed the car."

Jax waved his hand in front of him. "Aint the point. If you were boring you would have yelled at me to call the cops. Instead you said let's get out of here."

"But I felt really bad." Tara was lying. Jax smiled "Liar." Tara pushed him. It was getting dark now.

Tara wiggled her toes in the fresh cut grass. "I'm as free as a bird. I don't want a boyfriend, it looks hard. I don't think I could really open up to David without him judging." She spoke honestly.

Jax scooted closer "Like we talk."

"Yea" she said barely above a whisper.

"I should get you home. Don't need your old man getting pissed off at me. Again" Jax said getting up.

Tara got up on her own "I'm not going home." She said, shoving her hands in her pockets.

Jax tucked a piece of hair out of her face. "What happened this morning?" The playfulness was gone again.

As a self soothing mechanism Tara crossed her arms across her chest. "Last night, he had a fit. Broke up mom's things and burned pictures. Blamed her for the state he was in. I was angry. He got the only memories I have of her. So this morning, I dumped out all his booze cuz he doesn't get paid until the end of week. I thought a dry day was good punishment." She started to smile.

Jax threw his arm around her and guided her to the bike. "Mom said she's making her famous lasange and you know she loves you." Tara's mouth was watering as he said it.

2 2 2

Tara loved going to the Teller's house. They were the family she never had. She followed Jax inside glancing at the pictures of Jax and of…Thomas that littered the wall on the way to the living room. John Teller, the patriarch of the family was sitting with a cigarette dangling from his mouth with his feet kicked up on the oak coffee table. He was reading a book and deep.

"What's up pops?" Jax said plopping down on the loveseat.

John looked up and smiled "how was school Jackson?"

"Same ole', same ole." Jax shrugged looking at Tara with a smile.

John stood up then closing the distance between him and Tara as his eyes focused on her. "Tara, every time I see you, you get a little bigger." He said pulling her into a hug.

Tara enjoyed the hug. Mr. Teller was like the father Tara wished she'd had. He should her how to give a car an oil change, was teaching her how to ride a motorcycle and just always encouraged her to do better. Be better than her old man.

"She's blossoming, John." Gemma's voice rang out from the dining room.

John let go of Tara as Jax pushed himself off the loveseat following the two into the dining room.

Gemma was setting the places at the table that already held the pan of lasagna, bread and broccoli. She stopped what she was doing to plant a kiss on top of Tara's forehead.

"I didn't know you were coming for dinner, hon." She said.

Tara slid into the chair next to Jax. She usually called before coming for dinner and she didn't really want to explain.

"I invited her." Jax spoke for her and Tara was secretly thankful. "She's spending the night too if that's alright with you and dad." He said.

John rested his forearms on the table sharing a look with his wife. Tara knew that they already knew why she was sleeping over. It wasn't a secret. Spending the night at the Teller's place was nothing new. She had been doing it since elementary school, when things got too ruff at home. They were the closest as far as distance went from her house.

"Did he put his hands on you?" John asked his face was no longer jolly; Tara was looking down at her empty plate. She felt Jax holding her hand under the table. As if to say it's okay, just tell em'.

She shook her head as she felt Gemma's eyes on her as well waiting for a response. Tara looked to John then Gemma, shifting her eyes between the two. "No, almost but you know what that "stuff" does to him.

"No excuse. If he lays hands on you, be a good girl and tell me Tara. I'm not having that." John said she could see it in his face that he was angry and was trying to diffuse his temper as to not scare her.

Tara remembered the last time. When her father had hit her. When she was 11, she went to the Donna's house. While changing into a bathing suit Donna's mother had caught a glimpse of the bruises. Donna's mom had told Gemma who in turn told her husband. Thinking of Tara as his own kin; John went crazy. Beat the hell out of her father. Mr. Knowles ended up in the hospital for 4 days.

"Yes, sir." She mumbled.

Gemma stroked her hand from across the table. "Well sweetie there is more than enough lasagna, if these two let you have some. Jax make up the spare bedroom for Tara after dinner."

Jax snorted "she's not a guest."

Tara pinched him and causing him to jerk away; glaring at her. She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Do as she says Jackson." John said as Gemma served him the food. John pointed at him "and go to school tomorrow. Don't ditch."

"I didn't ditch." Jax protested.

Gemma was not amused as she served herself and the two kids their portions. Everyone grabbed a piece of bread out of the basket. "Bullshit, Jax. The school called the shop."

John reached over and popped Jax in the back of the head.

Jax rubbed his head looking down at his food.

"For lying." John explaining giving Tara a little wink as she tried to not giggle. It felt like she was betraying Jax.

Jax looked at Tara and grinned turning his attention back to his parent. "Well Tara ditched detention."

Tara mouth gapped open. _That little snitch!_ She thought.

Gemma swallowed a forkful of lasagna before she pointed her fork at Tara. "This bad seed rubbing off on you?" she said with a smile.

Jax rolled his eyes.

"You're the scholar of the family. Can't be ditching detention." John said breaking off a piece of bread, dipping it into the sauce. "How'd you get detention? Aint like you?" he popped the bread into his mouth.

Tara cut a piece of her lasagna, her mouth was already watering. "Pouring out the old man's booze took longer than I suspected." She explained before swallowing the cheesy lasagna.

John and Gemma shared a chuckle as they subconsciously caressed each other's arm as they ate.

"Good girl." John with approval.

Tara tilted her head sideways to look at Jax and mouth _Snitch_.

They ate, talked and laughed. Tara felt like she was home.

2 2 2

After dinner, the family did their ritual. Gemma cleared the table and John loaded the dishwasher before turning it on. Jax and Tara went to the spare room and made up the guest bed. This was their routine. Tara stayed at their house at least 5 times a month.

Tara went into the nightstand a retrieved the black camisole and shorts set that Gemma had brought for her. Since she wasn't blessed with a daughter Gemma had made a habit of buying Tara things that she thought were cute. Without a word Jax had left the room and closing the door behind him.

Naked Tara looked the bruise on her abdominal. She touched it and winced in pain. She predicted that it would go away in a day or so. _He didn't mean it, it was the liquor _she lied to herself before pulling the camisole over her head putting her hands through the spaghetti straps and sliding the shorts up. She tied her hair up in a loose ponytail and went back in the family room.

Gemma and John were whispering things to each other as John pulled Gemma up kissing her on the neck a little.

"Goodnight, kids." John said walking passed Tara ruffling her hair.

"Night!" Jax yelled from the kitchen.

Gemma rubbed Tara's cheek "night, baby. Sleep well, k."

Tara nodded "Night, Gemma."

"Jax, your ass is getting up at 7. So don't stay up too late." She said.

"I hear ya!" Jax called.

Gemma followed her husband into their bedroom as Tara stretched out on the sofa hearing the married couple's door close softly.

Jax appeared wearing only his boxers with a bowl of ice cream in either hand. Tara got up taking her ice cream as Jax sat down turning on the TV.

Tara lay across his leg, resting the bowl of vanilla ice cream on the couch while she at her ice cream watching M.T.V.

"They're probably gonna do it. They were playing grab ass while you were changing." Jax informed her as Headbanger's Ball came on.

She squinted her nose. "Eww" Old people doing it…ewww.

"We should turn this up cuz I do not want to here that." He said, rolling his eyes towards his parent room.

Tara got up turning up the TV and squealed a little bit at the video that was coming on. _Been Caught Stealing by Jane's Addiction_.

"I've been caught stealing; once when I was 5...I enjoy stealing." She sang and danced around. Jax shook his head at her as she put her bowl of ice cream safety on the table. "It's just as simple as that. Well, it's just a simple fact. When I want something, I don't want to pay for it." She sang shaking shoulder. Tara took the bowl of ice cream out of Jax's hands pulling him to his feet. She twisted their arms so he could spin her as he stood with a half smile on his face.

"Dance, you know you want to Mr. Cool Guy. I won't tell no one." She promised as Jax started to bounce his head. By the end of the song Jax was dancing just as wild as she was.

"If I get by, it's mine, Mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, mine..." they song to each other in unison shaking their head at each other.

Two more songs and there was a commercial. They finished what was left of their ice cream before Jax spoke.

"You lied."

Tara looked at him quizzically "what?"

"He hit you didn't he?"

Tara sat up, he wasn't asking her. He already knew. He was just waiting for her to be honest.

"You suck at the whole lying thing, Tara. Maybe my folks didn't see through it but I did."

"I don't wanna make trouble. It was an accident, he's probably trying to drink rubbing alcohol right now." She tried to laugh but Jax was biting.

He gripped her hand "he touches you again, I'm cutting one of his hands off. You hear me." He said.

Tara nodded furiously, trying to blink back tears. "It's getting late. We got school in the morning."

Jax rolled his eyes "okay."

Tara washed out the bowls and the spoons as Jax put the living that had been turned into a dance floor back together before clinking out the night.

They said goodnight to each other.

"Love you." Tara said.

"Love you, too." Jax said before turning off the light in his room. Tara didn't even bother turning on the light in her room she was passed the point of exhaustion.

They had started saying I love you to each when Thomas died. When they both were hurting so much. When Jax thought he didn't have anyone who would love him unconditional like his brother did. That's when Tara said she loved him and they hugged each other falling asleep in Thomas' room.

Tara had no problem falling asleep. She was safe. Here.

2 2 2c

Cramping in her stomach woke her up an hour later. At first it was subtle and she tried to drift back to sleep but then it became worst making her sit up. Her mind forced her to get up and go the bathroom. As she sat on the toilet with her shorts down the cramping progressed. She wiped herself with the toilet paper and looked at it.

The white paper was stained dark red, almost plum color. Tara's eyes widened as her hand began to tremble as she put the paper in the toilet. Her toes curled on the cold floor as she thought about her next move.

As quietly as possible she opened up John and Gemma's door. Tiptoeing to where Gemma was asleep she gently tapped her whispering Gemma's name. Slightly startled Gemma woke, trying to focus her eyes.

"I need you." She whispered.

Gemma nodded "sure, baby. What is it?" she asked. Tara hurried back to the bathroom as Gemma followed. Squinting in the light Tara pointed to the toilet.

"I'm bleeding."

Gemma but her hands on her hip and closed her eyes waking herself fully from sleep. Then she closed the door and went into the bottom cabinet; pulling out two things.

"Well honey, you got your period alright. These are gonna be your two new best friends."

Tara nodded looking at the objects.

"This is a pad. You can put it on when you're sleeping. No need to be all plugged up then. This is for when you're up and about, a tampon. You change a tampon every 4 hours so there isn't a smell."

"What about the pad?" Tara mumbled wincing a little in pain from the cramps.

"If it gets too wet while you're sleeping. You'll know and you get up and change it. I have something for those cramps." Gemma went into the medicine cabinet pulling out two different pills sitting them on the bathroom counter. She unwrapped the tampon.

"As a beginner, sit on the toilet and lean forward a little. You're going to push this inside of you until you can feel your fingertips."

Tara's eyes widened "I don't think I can do that."

Gemma smiled "you have to just relax. I'll be right back. I'm gonna get you a glass of milk for the medication."

Gemma left closing the door behind her. Tara sat back on the toilet with the tampon and hand, shaking like a leaf.

The knock on the door startled Tara as she pulled up her boxer. "Who is it?"

"Me, sweetie." Gemma's reassuring voice said.

"Come in."

Gemma came in with a glass of milk leaning on the door. "How does it feel?"

Tara shrugged "I can't really feel it."

Gemma nodded in approval "that means you put it in right. Now tomorrow we'll get medicine and a calendar so we can count your cycle. The key to not being a raging bitch when this time comes around is to know when the hell it's coming on.

Tara absorbed all this as Gemma handed her the blue and white pill. "The blue one will help you sleep for a couple of hours. The white pill is what we're gonna get tomorrow. You want to take that one, two days before your period so you don't feel any cramps."

Tara swallowed the pills washing it down with milk before flushing the toilet and washing her hands.

"Alright, then take out the tampon but on the pad and I'll be waiting in your room. Try to relax when taking it out." She said leaving Tara alone.

Tara took a deep breath.

After wrapping the soiled tampon in toilet paper and quickly putting it in the trashing can and covering it Tara was ready for bed. The sleeping pill was already taking effect. Gemma tucked her in and shut off the light. She falls asleep to Gemma stroking her hair, it was the most soothing thing she'd ever felt.

2 2 2

The next morning she wakes up to Gemma already up and about cooking breakfast. Gemma is in a good mood when she sees Tara. "Good morning honey, how ya feelin?"

Tara smiled "fine, thanks for the medicine." She didn't feel anything.

"I give you another one after you eat." Gemma promised as she whipped the eggs.

"What are we cooking?" Tara asked wanting to be a little helper.

"French toast, eggs and bacon."

Tara beamed "my favorite."

"I know. Well start on that bacon."

They were giggling and singing to the music when Jax darkened the doorway with his blonde hair wild from sleep.

"Morning." He smiled.

"Morning." Tara said bumping him as she passed him carrying the bacon to the table. Gemma was right behind her with the eggs and French toast.

"Jax, can you grab the syrup and juice, hon and tell your dad that breakfast is ready. You have to eat quickly to make it to school on time."

Jax did what he was told "what about Tara?"  
Gemma looked across to Tara. "She's coming to work with me today. Girl time."

"Can I come?" Jax asked. He would do anything to be in the shop where the club was.

"No." Gemma said without hesitation "You didn't go to school yesterday. You're going to school today. Now go get your father."

Jax sulked out of the room without another word.

Tara giggled as Gemma folded her hand with a smile on her lips.


	3. The Day Jackson Teller and David Hale Be

Author's Husband's Note: Hey guys, Elle is sleeping (drunk) right now but I know she wanted to get this Chapter out to you guys before we go see her parents tomorrow. So I'm helping her out, and after screwing around with her page I now know how to upload stories. Review this chapter, she does check the reviews and it makes her a little happier throughout the day. Thanks again for reading. This is a good one. ~M

The Day Jackson Teller and David Hale Became Enemies

"You look pretty." Jax said scary the bejesus out of Tara. She nearly leaped out of her skin; she hadn't seen him come through her window. He lit a cigarette "You're old man not home?" he asked as he flopped on her bed on his back gesturing to the open bedroom door.

Tara went back to her floor length mirror that sat on the floor applying lip gloss. "No, he went out with some buddies." She shrugged as she made sure her hair was perfectly curled in all the angles. Her dress was something old that had been her mother's when she was younger. She had found the 60s style white lace dress; it fit perfectly.

"I can't believe you're going." Jax chuckled.

"And I can't believe you're not!" Tara snorted as she put on the heels that she wasn't too comfortable in but it made the whole outfit. She had practice a couple of times and nearly broke her face twice…but she felt like she had the hang of them.

"Like I would be seen at a school dance?"

"I would have thought Nicole would have forced you to go. Everyone says that she's gonna win Winter Formal Princess." Tara said sitting down next to him.

"She's old news, where you been?" he snapped his fingers. "Oh wait, with Davy-boy." He said with an innocent smile.

Tara fought the urge to roll her eyes. Jax had been giving her crap about not giving up David. He was just so nice…so stable. "It's nice to pretend to be normal. At least for one night."

Jax stood up with a knowing look on his face, blowing out smoke; he took her hand and twirled her. Jax didn't want her to go. It was like she was slipping out of his hands. "You look great, Tara." He said tugging at one of her curls playfully.

She slapped his hand away just as sly and blushed slightly. "Come, it'll be fun. Spike the punch; steal the girls from their guys." She suggested.

He shook his head smiling wide "I'm not into being normal. Have a good time tonight. If that little shit tries anything stupid. You betta come find me." He said sternly.

The doorbell rung; both knew who it was.

Tara grinned wide; Jax hadn't seen her this excited in a while. She hugged him tight "I'll come find you after."

"You know where I'll be." He said she pulled away. Tara grabbed her clutch. "Love you."

"I love you, more." Jax responded "you better go, can't have Prince Charming waiting."

Tara gave him a quick jab in the shoulder before giving him a friendly peck on the lips. "Don't be tool. Later." She said hurrying out the room.

As she opened the door; she nibbled her lower lip. David looked better without that stupid letterman jacket. A tuxedo suited him just nicely.

He had slicked his hair back and Tara pictured that he could give Clark Gable a run for his money.

"Hi" his voice was irresistibly bashful.

It made Tara's heart flutter. "Hi, is that for me?" her eyes gestured to the corsage.

"Yea" he fumbled with the plastic to get the carnation out but he did it slipping it on her wrist.

"Isn't this a precious sight." Jax's voice filled the room. Tara shot him a warning look; David's face was not amused.

"Hey there, Jax." David said evenly.

"She better come back a virgin, asshole." Jax smiled, as if he was being a concerned father.

"Jax!" Tara exclaimed.

All the politeness left David's face as he came towards Jax. Tara stepped in between the two testerone driven boys. "Stop it both of you. Come on, David." She said tugging him toward the awaiting limo.

"Have her home before midnight, Davie!" Jax called to them.

Tara rolled her eyes, sometimes he was such an asshole.

"You shouldn't be hanging around Jackson, you're good person." David said as the limo pulled off.

Tara laughed "and so is he. You two just don't know each other. He's my best friend and your boyfriend. You guys are gonna have to learn how to share." She said giving him a light peck on the lips.

"Boyfriend?" David said with surprise.

Tara nodded her head "Yea, if the offer is still out there."

David leaned in and kissed her. Tara wrapped her arms around him settling into the nice normal make up session.

3 3 3

Jax walked into his house as all hell broke loss.

"I hear you, Clay!" his father was yelling from the family room.

"ARE YOU BROTHER?" Clay yelled back.

Gemma pulled Jax into the kitchen with her as she continued to smoke her cigarette. She was chewing on her lower lip, as she listened to the best friends argue. Since his mother wasn't make eye contact with him, Jax listened as well.

"It's never okay to miss church, John. These guys look to us for guidance."

"What if it aint the right guidance anymore."

Gemma and Jax looked at each other before listening in again.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Clay growled.

"Maybe this aint the right path that we're going down, Clay. I've been doing a lot of thinking." John said his voice was shaky.

That frightened Gemma, hearing the tremors in her husband's voice. That wasn't the reassured and sometimes arrogant man she'd fell in love with and married.

Clay's voice had softened "I know that this really aint a good time with losing Thomas. Bad shit. The club needs you, we love you brother and we'll be here for you if you let us."

"IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH MY SON!" John exploded.

Clay snorted "Yeah, that's clear to see." He stated sarcastically. "We've postponed, church until tomorrow at 5. See you there, Pres."

The front door closed, a roar of the engine followed closely afterwards.

Gemma looked at her son "There's something going on tonight, right?"

Jax understood what she was saying. She wanted to be alone to talk to his father. "Yeah, don't wait up." He kissed his mother on the cheek. "Love you."

"Love you too, babe. Be careful." She said.

Jax nodded leaving quickly. He knew that his father was in no mood to talk.

3 3 3

David pulled Tara into the opened class room. Kissing her until they both fell on the floor.

The cold floor sent chills through Tara as her bare ass meshed with it. "That tickles." Tara laughed, caressing the top of David's head. Her dress was pushed up to her navel, her panties were missing in action and David's head was between her legs.

"I'll heat you up, I promise." He smiled before giving her clit a lick.

Tara layed back and enjoyed the heat of David warming her up.

3 3 3

Tara was pleased to see that the Cutlass was not in sight when she got back home. After sending persistent David on his way home, Tara came inside and made a beeline straight to the bathroom. Tonight was fun; the dance was everything that she expected to be. It was all very…what did Jax say? Vanilla.

_Jackass_ Tara thought to herself as she got into the shower. She found herself scrubbing her skin with her loofah. Trying to wipe the scent of David off of her. He smelled like Old Spice. She touched her lips, before rubbing her nub within the folds of her lips. It was swollen from David's ruff touch. After washing her face and brushing her teeth; Tara closed her bedroom door not bothering to turn on the light.

"I thought you were going to come look for me?"

For the second time tonight, Jax had scared the shit out of Tara. She quickly grabbed a shirt from off the floor to cover her body. "Geeze, Jax a little warning. Like 'Hey Tara, I'm in your room' that would have been awesome." She said pulling the sheets of her bed back. The darkness saved Tara from pure embarrassment.

"Nothing I haven't seen before." Jax reasoned sitting on the side of Tara's bed.

Right away Tara knew something was wrong by the tone of Jax's voice. She draped her arms around his story. "I was tired, what's up?" She felt his hands over hers.

Jax shook his head "nothing, can I stay here tonight?"

Tara kissed his temple "sure, let me just lock the door." She heard the covers ruffling as she locked the door. The good thing about being a girl is that my father was terrified as to what went on in the privacy on my room. Especially since he found the box of tampons in the bathroom. I was allowed to lock my door.

Jax and Tara layed side by side in silence. She turned towards him. "You can talk to me. What happened?"

"I don't wanna talk about it, Tara. Not tonight."

"Okay." She said.

"I would rather know about your night, hot stuff. How was the dance?" he asked.

Tara ignored the sarcasm "It was nice but it felt fake. You know, like I was being fake to fit in with David and his friends. So tonight I broke up with David."

Jax laughed, he didn't believe her shit for a minute. "Yea, yea, yea, whatever you say? I've heard that before." He turned his head to look towards her. He could see her perfectly in the dark room. When she walked into the room naked… Jax had to think of the most disgusting shit to keep his dick in check.

"Nope, I'm serious. Something wasn't clicking." She reached for his hand underneath the covers.

Jax had to look away; he didn't know how he was going to keep his dick in check if she kept touching him. As friends they had always been touchy, Jax had to remind himself.

Tara layed her head on his bare chest wrapping her arms around him. "I'm glad you came over."

Jax played in her hair "Me too."

Tara leaned up "I love you."

Jax didn't know why he always felt comfort from her saying that. "Love you, too Tara."

She smiled and kissed his lips innocently. Jax gripped the back of her neck, pulling her up to his level by putting his arm around his waist. "I really love you, Tara."

Tara laughed "I know that" pinching his cheek.

Jax kissed her again and it wasn't innocent…it wasn't brotherly. At first Tara was pulling away, the confusion of gesture brought out mixed emotions within her. Jax's kiss didn't let up until she submitted to it. He felt her body relax against his. Jax put one hand on Tara's ass; his other hand was firmly on the back of her neck urging her own.

All Tara felt were butterflies. For Jax, kissing Tara Knowles was his happy ending.

3 3 3

"Studying at my house after school?" Jax asked. They had classes in separate parts of the school.

"Sure" Tara said nonchalant about to go down to her class.

Jax, not satisfied with her answer gripped her arm pulling her to him. Tara smiled at him knowingly. This new founded…whatever it was in Tara's head was amazing. It worked. They worked. Sunday could have been awkward but it wasn't. It was fun…the kisses…the caresses and of course the easy conversation.

"I'm sorry I didn't hear you. What did you say?" Jax asked squeezing her bum. Tara looked around nervous if anyone had seen; Jax cupped her face "What'cha looking around for?"

"Your house after school, great." Tara gave him a quick kiss before pushing out of his arms. She didn't want to be late for class.

Jax stood there watching his Tara nearly run to class. _Nerd_ he mused before heading to P.E.

He made it into the gym just as the bell rung. Mr. Tyson, the P.E. teacher marked him as present. _That's right you, son of a bitch. No detention _Jax thought to himself as he headed to the locker room to change. His best friend was missing…Opie was probably with his girl. Jax didn't care what Tara thought; Opie and Donna were fucking.

Jax pulled off his shirt tossing it into the locker. He should have ditched. If his mom's only wish wasn't for him to get the fucking diploma he would have been dropped out. All he wanted to do is work at his dad's garage and be a part of the club.

"What did she say?"

"Some bullshit line 'it's not you' kind of shit."

Jax froze with a grin on his face. He knew that yuppie voice anywhere, Davy boy. He sat down listening to the chump, bitch to his friends about being dumped by Tara.

"You guys looked happy at the dance, bro." Pinhead #1 said.

"I know! That's why I don't understand. We were having fun and I know she felt it."

"I know you popped her cherry right?" Pinhead #2 said.

Jax stood up he could feel his heart beating faster.

David wasn't gloating, he was genuinely hurt. "Yeah and it was great. I only-" David stopped in mid sentence as he came face to face with Jax.

"Finish your sentence." Jax said shoving David.

David shoved him back "what's it to you, Teller?" Then it clicked in David's head. Teller was the reason she broke up with him.

"You fucked Tara?" Jax asked in David's face once more. David's two lakes took a step back. They would have jumped in if it was any other person…not Jackson.

David smiled "Yeah, I fucked her. I bet you're pissed off that I got her first. Pretending to be her friend, and I see through you, Teller."

Jax couldn't control his anger anymore. His fist connected with David's face. David charged at Jax from the waist, slamming Jax into the lockers hard.

3 3 3

Tara had her book bag packed before the bell rung. She was one of the first ones out of the door. Knowing Jax . . . he had ditched P.E and waiting for her at his house. A yank on her arm made her yelp out in pain as she was pulled away from the crowded hall and thrust into the men bathroom.

She shoved Jax once inside the locked bathroom. "What's the matter with you? Geeze, you really hurt my arm." She said rubbing her arm.

Jax said nothing his jaw clenched involuntary.

Tara studied his face as her eyes widened in surprise. "What happened?" she asked. Observing his fat lip and his bruised cheek. She reached out to touch him and Jax slapped her hand away.

"Did you fuck Hale?" he asked blunt and straight forward.

Tara flinched, and Jax caught her body language and automatically knew she was guilty.

"That's none of your business." Tara said quietly.

"NOT THE ANSWER TO MY QUESTION." He barked at her.

"What do you want me to say? Whateva happened between David and me has nothing to do with us." She said taking a step towards him. Jax took a step back.

Jax shook his head "You gave it up to that piece of shit and you didn't tell me. Tara, I tell you everything you want to know. I know that you know for a fact that I would have wanted to know if you went all the way with him."

Tara nibbled her lip "Jax" she tried to begin.

He shook his head "Shut up, I don't want hear it. This. Us. Aint neva gonna happen."

"Jax" Tara cried out but he was already out of the bathroom. Tara watched the empty space where he stood for a long while before walking into the bathroom stall locking it.

She cried alone in the safety of her locked stall.


	4. Cherry Bomb

Author's Note: I just want to say I have the best husband in the world. He indulges my every whim without much fuss at all. I was not drunk! I was just buzzed and sleepy ;-) Actually he had to carry me home with my shoes in his hand…yes it was an amazing night. So I've just gotten back from Texas. I think I'm in love, except for the highways. Urghh…

Well enough about my personal life thanks for all the lovely reviews. I really appreciate it. As always, you review my story and I will review yours. Someone asked is Tara younger; but she is still in the same grade as Jax because she is that smart. Enjoy ;-)

_Sophomore Year_

Cherry Bomb

_Heart Shaped Box by Nirvana_ played on the stereo in Donna's room. Lying on their back with their bare feet resting on the wall. Donna and Tara passed the joint back and forth between them.

"What do you wanna do tonight?" Donna asked before taking a long pull of the joint.

Tara raked her hand through her newly pixie cropped hair. "Don't know but anywhere with booze will do." She slid the joint out Donna's fingers.

Donna rubbed her finger on her lower lip, thinking. Tara made O rings waiting patiently. After a moment or two, Donna snapped her fingers. "Sarah Rae's party."

"Sounds great, is Jax gonna be there?"

Donna sat up too fast; she shook her brown curls out. "Nope, him and Ope are hanging around the clubhouse." She said as Tara passed back the joint.

Tara raised an eyebrow, apprehensive.

"I'm serious!" Donna shrieked.

Tara rolled her eyes "Good, I'm not changing though." Tara was wearing blue converses, white wife beater and black jeans. Nothing fancy.

Donna groaned loudly, Donna went to her closet pulling out a short jean skirt. "Well at least change out of those jeans." She tossed the jean skirt aiming for the bed. It landed on Tara's head.

This caused both girls to laugh. These last couple of months had been hellish for Tara…at first. She'd lost her best friend. Tara saw Jackson everyday and not a word passed between them. It hurt at first to be ignored but as time went on Tara started getting angry. Decided to say fuck it. If he couldn't get over it than she would rather not deal with it.

"Fine!" Tara said getting off the bed. Donna was already changing into a short floral dress. Tara wiggled out of her jeans slipping on the jean skirt.

"It's been months…" Donna said.

_Here we go_ Tara thought to herself as she buttoned the jean skirt slipping back on her converses. "If he's at this party, I'm never forgiving you."

Donna looked at her helplessly "if you just tell him what happen between you and David."

"It's none of his business, Donna. He yanked me up in the bathroom and yelled at me. If he wants to act like he knows everything…then let it be."

Donna really wanted her two dearest friends back together. "Fine, I won't press. I promise Ope said that they're gonna be doing bitch work for the club all night so don't wait up."

Tara shook her head smiling "Good, so what are we waiting for?"

They arrived at Sarah Rae's party a little after 10. Tara had nicked a bottle of her father's vodka before going over to Donna. The combination of weed and liquor had put the two 15 year old girls giddy as they walked into the crowded house party.

Sarah Rae Oswald was a close friend of Donna and had recently become a friend to Tara. Her parties were always the best. Sarah Rae was playing hostess giving each of them a hug. "Beer and liquor in the kitchen, help yourselves." She said quickly before going into the living room.

Donna pulled Tara along into the kitchen and smiled gleefully at the island littered with enough booze that Tara's old man would have an orgasm.

"Oh shit." Donna said suddenly while Tara was getting two red cups. Tara looked at her "what?" she followed her friend's eyes to the keg. Her happy mood pummeled as she looked at Donna before turning back to her estranged .

Jax was staring at her with an unreadable expression. Tara gave Donna a good punch in the arm.

"Shots?" Opie said with amusement.

4 4 4

Jax had to stop himself for smiling . . . the look on Tara's face was classic. She hated him. Jax made a mental note to punch Opie in the gut later on. The club had cut them loose early, and it had been Opie's idea to come to this party. He had Jax at "booze for days."

These last couple of months sucked the big one. Especially with his parents constantly asking about her. Sometimes he worried about her, especially with her crazy ass old man. Looking at Tara from the way she was interacting with Donna, she'd been okay. Donna was a good girl. Jax kept his distance as he stole glances at Tara as Opie poured the Southern Comfort into four shot glasses.

The four clicked their shot glasses, pounded on the table and down the hatch it went. Donna banged the table "Again, babe!" she said leaning into Opie.

Jax laughed to himself, for the first time noticing the girls' glassy eyes. They were high. Four more shots were poured and down the hatch they went.

Opie and Donna started to make googley eyes at each other. Opie whispered something into Donna's ear making her laugh and tugging her away.

Jax caught Donna get the verbal okay to leave Tara where she was before Donna went off with her boyfriend.

Tara looked everywhere but in his face. Jax smiled, she was still really pretty and it was nice not looking at her from a distance.

"So how Gemma and John?" Tara asked, breaking the awkward silence. Jax watched her every move, watching her legs cross as she leaned on the counter.

"Good, but you would know that if you can around." He blurted out. _Bad choice of words Jackson, he thought to himself. _Tara jaw clenched he knew she was going to shut down on him. "It's really loud in here. You wanna go to one of the rooms?" Jax asked bold. He wanted to talk to her away from prying ears he didn't feel like being interrupted, that would only make him angry.

Tara shrugged "okay."

Jax took her hand without permission, maneuvering through the crowd of teenagers to one of the guest rooms. Tara sat on the bed as Jax closed and locked the door.

They went to speak at the same time and laughed. Jax plopped down next to her "Can I go first?"

Tara tied her hair back "Sure"

He couldn't help himself; Jax pulled her into his embrace. Tara's arms circled his waist, exhaling deeply. Jax smiled to himself…she had missed him too. "I'm sorry, Tara for blowing up at you. What you did before me aint my business. I should have just let it go."

"I accept you apology. It hurt though." She said.

Jax lifted her chin "take me back, please. I'm sorry for hurting you." He said, his eyes watering. Jax didn't have a chance to say anything else as Tara's lips connected with his. The need, the urgency was there. He slipped her shirt above and off her head tossing it without breaking the kiss.

He turned them over getting up to take off his own clothes. He watched Tara's eyes widened slightly at the sight of his naked form in front of her. Jax needed confirmation that she wanted to do this. This wasn't just some girl…it was Tara. He wanted to see her every day. He wanted his best friend back.

Tara nibbled her lip, never breaking eye contact with him as she unbuckled the button of her jean skirt slipping it off with ease along with her panties. Tara wasn't as well developed in the breast department like Donna was so she could get away with not wearing a bra with her small B cups. She leaned up pulling him toward her by his arm.

Jax was much more experienced than she was. He didn't know how many times David and Tara did it but he was going to make sure he fucked her better than anyone else could possibly compete with. Jax made Tara almost beg for him to "put it in", as he played with her to loosen up her sweet spot.

Jax kissed her cheeks as he finally entered her. Tara felt like her insides were on fire as Jax's breath tickled her neck. The burning didn't last long as his strokes increased. His lips crushed hers as he squeezed her tighter to him. She was so tight and warm…Jax couldn't believe the how good this felt. He had to bring his mind elsewhere or he would bust inside of her. He lips brushed her ear "I missed you so much, babe." He said softly as her hands gripped his ass urging him to go faster.

Tara was miles away seeing stars as he nuzzled her neck every now and then sucking her collarbone. Tara gripped his back as she breathed his name. Jax felt her cum instantly providing more lube around his dick. Tara gripped his hair as she squeezed her thighs tighter making Jax curse as he felt his nut coming. His pace quickened inside of her before he pulled out, his seed spilling on her belly.

"Sorry" he said lazily getting up. Tara stayed put as he went to guest bathroom wiping himself down and came back to the bed with a warm rag, wiping her belly off. He tossed the soiled rag on the floor.

"Donna might be looking for me." She said. Jax rolled his eyes pulling the covers over them. She was still responsible as ever.

"They set us up, Tara. She's fine." Jax laughed, giving her small kisses. "I kind of hoped you were here. These months sucked." Tara said honestly. Jax held her tighter.

They talked like old times, laughing and joking. They didn't talk about David, or any of the girls that Jax had been seeing. They fucked two more times before finally drifting to sleep. Jax promised himself that he would ask her to be his girlfriend tomorrow.

4 4 4

Jax woke up in the bed alone. It was always hard for him to sleep in a bed that wasn't his own. "Tara?" he called out but he knew she was long gone. The pillow next to him was cold. After he scratched his head he looked at his hand…there were little spots of red. "What the fuck?" he muttered to himself. Jax pulled the cover off of him and saw it. The blood stained sheet. The realization hit him like a ton of bricks. Tara had been a virgin. David was a lying sack of shit. Those months…wasted…at being mad for nothing… "FUCK!" he roared getting his shit together.


	5. November 11, 1993

_Author's Note:__ Enjoy my lovelies!_

November 11, 1993

Jax put out the cigarette as he walked towards his father's mechanic shop. He knew that his dad was going to chew his ass out and he would take his licks.

He had to walk...He had to think. He remembered the previous night. The way Tara's body felt underneath his. The taste of her cum. The moans she made. The way her pussy seemed to curve perfectly to his dick. The way that she shivered under him...after the first time. He should have known. He should have fucking known!

The shop was partially deserted when he got to the office. Otto looked up from where he was sitting behind the desk. The look on his face worried Jax.

"Where the hell you been, Jax?" Otto said tossing Jax a helmet.

"What's up?" Jax asked, Otto never asked him about his whereabouts.

Otto looked hesitant. Jax looked around and noticed that his dad's harley was missing.

"Where's dad, mom and the others?"

Otto got on his bike. "We gotta get to the hospital. I'm sorry kid, I can't explain it."

Jax stood there for a moment. He didn't like where this was going. He fastened the helmet on quickly and got on the back of Otto's bike.

5 5 5

Tara had been cleaning all day. Better to keep busy than to-. She hated what she did. Leaving Jax laying there alone but she couldn't do it. She wouldn't compete with the other girls in school and she knew she would have to. Jax might love her but the girls loved Jax.

She'd come home when she knew he was asleep. Her inner thigh was sticky with the blood. As she washed herself in the shower, she smiled to herself. It was always Jax. She knew that she wanted to lose her V card to him That's why she stopped David in the classroom. It wasn't right. It felt right with Jax.

What would he be like in school? Would they resume ignoring each other? Averting eyes? So many questions.

The cleaning had started with her room. Then she moved on to the kitchen, the bathrooms and the hallways. She blared her music as because she could. Because the check had come and the old man had gone out on a drinking binge. The house was actually starting to look like a proper home.

The doorbell ringing made her heart pound so hard she was sure it was going to come out of her chest. She gripped the doorknob taking a deep breath before opening. Her anxiousness/excitement was short lived, replaced by worry as she pulled Donna's hand.

Donna shook her head no, her face was red and the tears were coming down like a facet.

"What's wrong, Donna? Did Opie do something?" she asked, ready to march over to Opie's house. He lived two blocks down from Tara.

Donna shook her head again "there's been an accident. Get your shoes, we gotta go to the hospital."

Tara put on her boots quickly, grabbing her keys and walked out the house with the music still blaring.

5 5 5

"Mom?" Jax's voice came out croaked as he walked towards her in the waiting room. Gemma was clearly disheveled, she got off her chair and met Jax halfway as she continued to sob.

Jax hated hospitals. He blamed this hospital in particular for taking his brother away from him. All the SONs were here and so was Opie...but not his dad. Something was wrong.

Clay got up as Jax held his mother. "What the hell happened, Clay?" Jax asked.

Clay's own eyes were bloodshot red "there was a accident with a semi, it cut John off."

Jax felt his own eyes watering. "He's alright though, right!" he said almost yelling. He couldn't take another loss. Not now. Not ever.

Clay clenched his jaw, fighting back his own grief. "The docs are doing everything they can. We just have to wait." he said gently.

Jax nodded as his mother gripped him harder. "You hear that mom? The docs are doing everything, he's going to be fine." he tried to assure her. Gemma was so consumed by the grief that she simply nodded her head as her son guided them both to two empty chairs.

5 5 5

Tara left Donna a couple blocks back. She was walking too slow for Tara. Jax needed her, NOW. Tara ran the rest of the way to the hospital. She stopped running when her feet hit the threshold. After asking where ICU was...Tara was off running again to the waiting room.

Her feet came to a halt when she found the gang. It was easy to spot the bikers out of the regular townies. Gemma looked like shit. It scared the hell out of Tara. She was used to Gemma being so well put together. Being her role model. Jax was sitting in silence staring into space.

He didn't stir when she sat down next to him. Tara nibbled on her lower lip out of habit and put her hand over Jax's.

"What are you doing here, Tara?" he asked like a zombie.

She looked at him "He's my family, Jaxs and so are you. I'm here for you." she said.

Jax looked at her once and she gave him a brave smile. Jax then went back to staring into nothingness. Tara looked down at her hand, Jax was gripping to the point her knuckles were white.

Everyone were on their feet when the doctor came to the waiting area. Hours later.

Jax only heard the bits and pieces that he cared about.

"John is in stable condition right now, Gemma. We have to wait and see how he does. You can go and see him now. Jackson, you can join your mother. I'm sorry, everyone else will have to wait." The doctor said.

Jax turned to Tara who stroked his arm "I'll be right here." Tara said. Jax nodded letting go of Tara's hand and connecting his hand with his mother's.

Tara sat back down and waited.

Jax looked at his father and felt like he was seeing deja vu. All those fucking machines...beeping... It made him think of Thomas. Hooked up to the machines, that did nothing for him.

"You should go home, babe. Get some sleep." Gemma said hours later, when it was dark outside. Luanne had brought her an overnight bag with everything she needed to stay by her husband's side.

Jax gave her a tight smile "no, I'll stay with you." he said shaking his head no all the while.

Gemma rubbed Jax's arm as they both looked to John on the hospital bed. Gemma was trying to will John out of the bed. He hadn't moved.

"Go home babe. I'll call home if something changes. Do it for me." she said, knowing that he would.

Jax nodded and gave his mother a kiss. "Love you, mom."

"Love you too, baby." she said before going back staring at her husband.

Jax walked down the hall, his feet dragging slightly, and his head hung low.

"Jax" Only that voice could make him look up. Tara put down her magazine and walked to him.

They didn't speak on the way to the Teller's dark house. They didn't speak when Jax sat on his bed, looking at the crack in his wall as Tara turned on the shower. They didn't speak when Tara stripped off her clothes until she had nothing on. As she did the same to him. They didn't speak as Tara washed Jax's body as he stood still in the shower. His eyes void, vacant of emotion.

Then it happened.

Jax spoke her name but it seemed to be caught in his throat as he chocked back a sob. Tara dropped the rag, letting it fall to her wet feet as she hugged Jax.

He cried into the nook of her neck, the hot water sent shivers down Tara's spine. She held him tighter as he cried out loud. Something that he wouldn't have done in front of anyone else.

Later. After the tears. After the water had started to run cold. Tara put Jax in bed. She went to check that the house was locked up, closed his bedroom door before getting into bed with him.

Tara watched him in the dark. As he stared at the ceiling.

"Tara" he said her name like his old strong, confident self.

"Yea, Jax?" she asked turning towards him.

"I won't share you and I don't expect you to share me. I will never put my hands on you again, I swear on Thomas' grave. I want you to be my old lady." he spoke in the dark.

"Okay." Tara replied. She felt his arm snake under her waist and pull her tight to him. Tara heard him exhaled and she realized she had too. Nestling on his chest.

"I love you." he said.

"I love you too, and John's gonna be okay." she said optimistic.

"I hope so." he said barely a whisper. Tara knew that Jax didn't believe his own words.

Two days later, John Teller was dead.


	6. The Shift

_Author's Note:__ Thanks for the lovely reviews! I'm so happy that everyone is enjoy my little fic. If you have any questions or anything else, by all means message me. Enjoy my sweeties. :-)_

The Shift

Jax felt like he was watching a movie about his life. The funeral was orchestrated perfectly but the wives of the SAMCRO chapter. The town of Charming hadn't seen anything like this before. There were motorcycles everywhere. Every chapter had come to honor and pay respect to their deceased President. Attendance was a mandatory.

Everyone had something to say to Jax. Every President spoke fondly about his experiences with John. Jax sat and listened but he didn't interact.

Gemma had put on her strong face, no more emotion as she acted like the perfect widow. Clay hadn't left her side. Jax noticed that too.

The only bright spot was Tara. She stayed at his side the entire time. She had helped Gemma with the clean up after everyone left. He loved her even deeper because he knew what John meant to her. He was a father to Tara. A father that she had lost too. Jax looked at her with admiration, hopefully he could be just as brave one day.

Tara was doing homework in her room when Jax came through the window. It was routine for them. Tara had been forbidden by her father to see Jax again. That wasn't going to happen so instead of Tara going over to the Teller's home like she always did, Jax spent almost every night with Tara.

"It happened." Jax said, the anger was clear in his voice.

Tara got up from her bed and slightly closed her door, locking it with a soft click. She put her finger to her lip to quiet him down.

"What happened, babe?" she said giving him a soft kiss.

She cleared off her bed. Tara could tell that no homework would be done tonight.

Jax paced the room. "They voted Clay as the new President. Sneaky motherfucker." he snapped in a hushed whisper.

Tara frowned, confused at the situation. "I thought that was clear from the start. Help me out, Jax?"

Jax fell to his knees in front of her, shaking his head as he looked up at her. "Clay's taking my father's place in all aspects. Tara you're much smarter than that. I know you felt the shift."

Tara clasped his hands into hers. She had felt the shift. Clay was coming around to the Teller's house much more than he had previously. Staying later than he usually would. Tara had noticed the gazes shared between Clay and Gemma but ignored it. She didn't want to piss off Jax like she knew it would. "You knew that he was next to be leader of SAMCRO. You're prospecting, don't ruin that. I know how much you want that."

He shook his head "Every time I see him. I want to confront him. Clay's so sneaky and it's like I'm the only one who can fucking see it. I tried to talk to Ope about it and he said that I was being crazy. That Clay had always been Gemma's friend."

Tara could feel his anger, he was squeezing her legs they were turning white but she didn't mind.

She cupped his face "Don't get mad, k?" she said.

Jax didn't like the way she sounded but he agreed.

"What if Clay could smooth things over? I mean with the club for instance. You guys just lost your leader. Empires fall because is it. They voted Clay as leader for a reason. I'm on your side but give him a chance."

Jax clenched his jaw and got up. "Okay, maybe you're right."

Tara stood up too, resting her chin on his chest looking up at him. Jax wrapped his arms around her. "I see what he's doing with Gemma. You're not the only one. I just didn't want to say anything. I could have been wrong."

Jax picked Tara up with ease as he walked to the bed. He stroked her hair as his body fell on top of hers. "Shits about to change. It's in the air. You're the only constant in my life and I love you for it." he kissed her face in an assortment of places.

"And I'll stay a constant, holding your hand all the way through." Tara said seriously as she felt Jax tugging her boxer briefs that she loved to lounge around in off her hips.

Jax caught her mouth with his own.

6 6 6

The day came that Jax knew would come. He just didn't think that it would come two months after his father's death. John's fucking grave wasn't even cold yet.

As the prospect he did stupid shit that any of the SONS could come up with. A personal slave, if you would. This particular day he was doing something that made sense. Sweeping the floor of the clubhouse. He was luckier than Opie who had bathroom duty. Gross shit.

"Hey Jax, I want to talk to you for a minute." Clay said as he walked into the clubhouse. He walked passed Jax to the room where church was held every Friday.

Jax took a deep breath and walked in after the man who was his father's best friend. He closed the door behind him and took a seat to the right of Clay. He had never been in this room except when he had to polish the large oak table. Jax lit his own cigarette, hoping the nicotine would curve his tongue.

Clay leaned forward a little bit. "You're father was my best friend. Hell, he was like a brother to me and I loved him."

Jax laughed "I know that you're fucking my mother, Clay."

That comment threw Clay off. He sat in silence, trying to come from a different angle.

Jax shrugged "I see the way you look at her. I've always seen that shit. Do you love Gemma?"

Clay nodded "I do."

Jax exhaled his smoke "Then we have nothing else to discuss. So you can save the speech you had prepared because I don't give a shit about it. I love my mother and I aint gonna stand in her way of happiness. So if you make her happy, then I'll be happy. What I say now, I'm not speaking as a Prospect; I'm speaking as a son who loves his widowed mother. If you hurt her in anyway, I will kill you."

Clay nodded.

"Are we done here?" Jax asked.

Clay smiled slightly "I don't want to seem like your enemy. I love your mother and I care about you too, Jackson."

Jax got up, putting out his cigarette. "I know Clay. We're on good terms. I'm almost done with the sweeping. Is there anything else that needs to be done around here?"

Clay stood up "Check with Bobby."

Jax nodded walking out the room. As he finished up his task, Clay walked passed him.

"You're doing a good job, prospect." Clay praised.

"Thanks, Pres." Jax said appreciating the compliment as he put the dirt into the trash can.

A month later Gemma packed up the Teller house and sold it. They moved into a bigger house with Clay. Three months after that...Gemma married Clay. Tara held Jax's hand tight as he watched his mother marry his father's best friend.


End file.
